The Importance of Connection

Human beings are social creatures, even the most introverted of us need to have some sort of connection, be it with a person or pet. While speaking with the ladies, it quickly became clear that a common theme was the importance of connection for everyone. 

A lot of the women with children told me that one of their biggest accomplishments in life was their children. Some of the women with spouses or partners told me that they spend most of their time with their significant other. Another woman told me a beautiful story about how she and her husband were so much more bonded after many years of marriage than they ever had been and it was absolutely clear that this was a very important factor in her life. She was, in fact, so passionate about how she felt about her husband, how close they were and how much she valued that, that it prompted me to follow up with her later and ask her her secret, how do you build that kind of connection with someone? She was kind enough to answer me, and I’ll get to that in a later post. 

Another thing I learned from these women was the importance of realizing which connections no longer serve you. By this, I mean that sometimes, long term relationships with family members, friends and others, sometimes become draining and sometimes become one sided. 

The Positive Connection

According to the CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association)

“Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems.”

This makes me think that people who make us feel loved, supported and accepted are actually beneficial to our overall health and wellbeing. 

A study done over the course of 20 years by the Proceeding of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS) discovered that social isolation affects us not only mentally, but physically, causing increased inflammation in adolescents, the equivalent to inactivity and increased hyper-tension, greater than that of diabetes in older populations. 

Healthy connections really do benefit us in so many ways, they’re definitely worth the effort and energy! I personally don’t think the number of connections you have is nearly as important as the quality of the connections, and that there is no right number because, that comes down to the individual. 

The Negative Connection

A number of the women that I spoke to expressed that after turning 40, they began to realize what connections no longer served them and they ended those connections. The ones that reported this explained that some connections that they shared with some people either didn’t feel reciprocal, meaning that the relationship was missing that give and take, or, they felt like the person or people were more focused on what they wanted out of the relationship than they were on what was in the best interest of everyone involved. 

We’ve all had these relationships in our lives. The ones that maybe once were positive, they helped you through a rough time and you did the same for them, you spent lots of time with them and they are a big part of years of memories. You learned from each other and as time went on, maybe your values changed, or one or both of you grew and the relationship was no longer positive for one or both of you. 

Realistically, that’s the normal evolution of some relationships. As we grow and change, the people we surround ourselves with sometimes need to change. When speaking to that person or those people becomes draining and you start trying to avoid that contact, or you’re fighting all the time, maybe it’s time to separate yourself. 

It doesn’t mean that either person is a bad person, it sometimes means you just grew a part. I noticed with a couple of people that I know personally, that even though they no longer speak, neither person is bad, they just grew apart and unfortunately ended up hurting each other (emotionally speaking) in the long run, because they tried to stay connected and both sides felt unheard and misunderstood. 

It hurts to walk away from these relationships sometimes, but it’s necessary. Anything that makes us feel drained, taken advantage of or misunderstood on a very regular basis can cause a lot of issues in the long run.

There’s the poem “A Reason, Season or Lifetime” by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker. The opening lines are 

“People Come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.”

Brian A. “Drew” Chalker

I wholeheartedly believe this. It’s important to identify when you need to walk away, just as it’s important for them to know when it’s time to walk away from you at times. There is nothing wrong with that, and when it happens, it opens up time and space in your heart to focus on the positive and fulfilling connections that you have or that you want to grow and develop.

I’d love it if you shared with me your thoughts on connections. How important are they in your life? Do you feel like you have enough quality connections? 

Until next time!

XO Sabrina